This is the beginning of sadness.

I'm at Elsa's now. She's in the shower(if you imagine this literally it's funny). Results were horrendous and thus the first sentence. It's my fault I admit. So I cry over spilt milk. I cry over myself. I am Spilt milk. Dad doesn't want me to enter sa. He actually bribed me. Man what is the world coming to. This is armageddon. We're living in revelation. I'm typing trash because results proved me trash.

The only solution to pollution is a peoples humane revolution. Forget the protocols. Green house effect, enhanced green house effect. We still partake& indulge.Someone tried to exclaim a few days ago after the disappointing lit "Literature.............................. is just for the literature students". She was obviously at a lost for words. I am a literature student. Literature.............................. is for certain literature students. Pure is not a good word. I have ten hearts, but void of feelings.

Old love, leave me alone

Habits are scary, intangible things. They don't burst in, they tread so we won't feel. It's more toward psychological than physical, this bondage. I like to bleed. But I detest the after effects. There are different types of pain. The coherrent, the consistent, the temporary, the permanent and the only-on-contact-will-you-feel-pain kind of pain. I've never sprained my ankle before, neither have I twisted any part of my body or had any broken bones. I know nothing about pain. We're complete strangers. That's cool, I do not wish to recognise pain anyway.

I am a bookworm; In the beginning, I was completely awake. I started to read Lake of Sorrows. Fell asleep after one page. That is so pathetic. I am so pathetic. Fret not, I am today, unusually condescending.

My sis is serioulsy................................................... one of a kind. She was pissed that I refused to give her my password& user for this particular website. I kinda forced her to create her own account. (she's one lackadaisical piece of : D ) When these unfortunate times fall, the usual plays out. Her username is now : Stupidbibi. Bibi is my nick name? Yes. She's nineteen by the way. Too old, too naive. She's an unsophisticated; ingenuous. I consider it my good fortune to have her as a sister. I lie through my teeth.

O levels were over ...................................................................................................................................quite a while ago. I've been very happy for quite a few days. Talking about this end-of-four-years-in-school examination; To overly under demanding.

My mum has a gift- irritating me. And a constant-PMS. She's slurping her green bean or whatever bean soup adjacent. Unfortunately for the unfortunate me, I can't request for her to go somewhere else because, not to forget, her PMS. Oh, she also commands me to get my notes packed& disappeared from the uh, floor/ground/tiles by Saturday(which is in 2 days time). Other than that she's fine.  Perfectally fine.

I watched A very long engagement recently. It apparently is, a very long show. & I apparently was not captured by the very long movie & dosed off halfway. I didn't know it was M18 until the middle of the movie, serious. Anyway, it's not as if kids these days aren't mentally polluted. What is the media doing?

Another show I watched yesterday, it's a korean drama. This girl, let's call her EL. So, EL's dad died when she was still naive. (This is quite sad, I mean your dad died). Her mother remarried. She gained a stepfather& brother. Her stepbrother & her fell in love when she was 18 & he, 20. She wanted to leave to I forgot where because she found this love thing quite wrong. (As a matter of fact, I find it okay. They've 0% blood relationship) He ran away because she refused to admit pubilcally that she loves him or something like that. She regretted it like crap. They never saw each other again.

Two/three(memory enhanced) years later; EL was working in some hotel as a maid? You know, the one that responds to room service. Okay, so, he became some bigtime ganster chief. Oh, before they seperated, he promised to protect her forever. Yeah, he kept her promise, duh. He couldn't meet  her or have any relationship with her because, after all he's a ganster, gansters can't have anyone they love - for safety reasons. After a while, he realises that he parents died two years ago (she doesn't know it yet).  He doesn't want EL to receive the news. In the end, she still knew about it. It's a sooner or later thing.

Okay so, in the end, both of them got involved in a traffic accident. EL woke up quite a long while later only to realise that her brother/lover donated his heart to her & is obviously, dead.

To cut it short, EL's parents, step parent, brother and lover died before she was 22/23? So tragic. The title should be 'What do you do when everybody dies'.

This was on someone's msn personal message:
I've never had a friendster, nor will I have a facebook and there's nothing you can do about it. (Maybe that's why I have so few friends and no face)

HAHAHA I agree, WHOLEHEARTEDLY.
Virtual friends are off. This is not to be borne. Although I have a friendster which I left stagnant since forever. I can't remember the password. I created friendster because of May. (that was totally desperate) And the first and the last person I added was her. The rest self-invite.

I'm running a temperature. As usual, the always. Coherent, consecutive. Resounding. This isn't too good. You bend your head a little, man, headache. Cold inside, hot outside(that's so cool). So damn lethargic, but uh, can't sleep. The eyes, burning windows. It's great, feeling warm sometimes. Gives you the hint -you're warm blooded. I got a C for chinese. That's sad. Disappointing. I worked hard for half a year & I screwed up that one hour. Yes, hard work pays. Pays what? Self-satisfaction. &the results come, cruch them all. Is this your destination? It's not how you get there. It's where you arrive. I've no confidence in the late jan/early feb results. 0%. No confidence of getting a single digit. Even a 10, no. I am so pathetic. Then occasionally I self-intrude. I must be strong & all the bloody walls of sand. I'll anticipate the announcing of results. See how I crumble.

I apologise for the bad organisation.

I am a rock

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
Well I've heard the word before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

Paul Simon

Sometimes you wish you'd get hurt before, so maybe you'll understand& identify with these poems. How does it feel like, being hurt deep. But then again, I won't want to know. If I don't bend& break, can we be friends? If I didn't hurt you so bad, can we still be friends? I drag because I don't want to anticipate vacuum. Perhaps memory shouldn't remind us of human. I pray you, let us forget. If we could live without emotions, how would it be? It's everyone and me. Always everyone, occasionally me. You train us academically, please train also our emotion.

I feel............................................................................................................... brainless, heartless.

I'm more loving towards others nowadays(it is so obvious). Actually, I think I've ten hearts, to be able to feel like that.

Literature definately makes one emo. I cannot help it, lit is my downfall, my tearing apart.That was break time, now I return to joyluck land. I just blogged twice in two days. This is something not to be borne (HAHA).